On the reconcilable tension between work coming out naturally and trying too hard
I was just trying to think of a word, it was on the tip of my tongue. I want my writing to be authentic but I also want it to be good. My ideal is I just express myself naturally and the outcome is amazing. I have often feared that trying too hard will dilute the authenticity, but that fear of trying and diluting the authenticity has constrained me from doing the work necessary to produce one’s best work. What a dilemma.
Writing. Cooking. Conversation. Attire. Feedback. These are some domains where I confront this tension.
But trying still feels inauthentic, unnatural, because it is outside of the primary stream of consciousness that is most purely me, so how do I reconcile it? As I stared out the window at the leaves ensconced by grey clouds, it occurred to me that trying could look like me just thinking harder and traversing my own mind, making trying an even more authentic expression of myself, if I could get to a deeper state of my own self. Trying as a term can mean many things, but this specific dimension of trying harder, is one that is aligned with my values and aspirational quality.
Ironically, it is this very type of trying that has clarified my thinking on this meta-subject.
That is how I reconcile authenticity and effort that otherwise can breed inauthenticity.