On forcing yourself to change

I have been given many reasons to change. Professional feedback, marital conflict, self-reflection. There are many sources that serve as triggers for us to change with some information about how exactly we should change.
I used bad metaphors that confuse people. I can be verbose and lose people. I can be stubborn, and lose people.

I resisted change for a long time because I had been so positively affirmed for who I am by my family and community. So any lack of affirmation or outright rejection appeared to me to be a flaw with that person rather than myself. But upon further reflection it became clear to me that these new people were my family and community. And life is not static, so what was once praised may now be criticized justifiably. Moreover, affirmation was for me, but it was not for a specific trait that was now coming into question. Therefore, I may be expressing traits that were not exposed before, and it would be wise to be open to the idea that those traits, in this context, with this audience, must be evolved.

Change often feels like a repudiation of our past selves. But it’s actually an adaptation into and acceptance of our future selves.

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